[video]
Lately I have had the strangest feeling…
I’m probably in violation of some Stevie Wonder copyright BS, but there’s not another phrase that better sums up what I feel right now.
Everybody probably knows the feeling of heartbreak. I don’t believe anybody can honestly say that they have never felt the anguish of unrequited love. Yes, maybe for some it was just a crush or whatever but the feeling is the same. It just depends on how deep your feelings are for that person that determines the hurt. But whatever the reason behind the heartbreak, and how deep it is, at one point in our lives, we have probably felt it.
Nowadays, there are so many relationship statuses that I don’t really know how to define mine anymore. You’re talking and dating but you still manage to flirt with other people and you two like each other but are still exploring possibilities of being with other people so you can’t really DTR. In short, your Facebook status reads: It’s complicated. This completely boggles my mind because for me, it’s either you’re together or you aren’t. So were talking and dating but we haven’t really committed to being together, then we aren’t together. How hard is that?
Anyway, I’m going off track. Whatever the relationship status I’m in, when things go awry, I pretty much have the same symptoms:
1. I find it hard to smile – I’d like to think of myself as a happy person. Or at least try to be. I don’t overcomplicate things and don’t really take things too seriously because life is already hard as it is and there is no sense in making it harder by dwelling on the negative. So most of the time, I find ways to laugh at the situation I’m in. but when I’m heartbroken, It’s hard to find something to smile about. When there’s a joke that I normally would have clapped like a retarded seal at, I can barely crack a smile. In my head, the funny situation registers and my brain files it so I can laugh at it in the future but for the time being, I can hardly find anything funny. I only laugh because the person telling the joke would be offended if I didn’t.
2. My usual pick me up songs don’t work – I read somewhere that your taste in music reflects the mood you’re in and lately I’ve been relating to Taylor Swift. Which is something I’m sure is entirely unhealthy. Also, I’ve been listening to Adele, Maria Mena and A Fine Frenzy. “Goodbye my Almost Lover” seems to be my theme song these days. But even then, the songs I usually count on to get me giddy and smiling doesn’t seem to have their usual effect. Uncle Kracker’s ‘Smile’ which usually makes me think of happy days seems grating and annoying and just makes me sad. Pink’s version of ‘Under Pressure’ from the OST of Happy Feet 2 comes pretty close to lifting my mood but even that isn’t enough.
3. The times that I completely blank out becomes more frequent – I’m usually a space cadet and have long, stimulating arguments with myself in my head. That’s nothing unusual. Even when I’m talking to someone, there’s always a third person in my head that says something different from the words that come out of my mouth. No, I’m not schizophrenic. I wish I was so at least I’ll be able to take happy pills. But when I’m heartbroken, there are times when people talk to me and I just completely blank out. Kind of like an out of body experience where I’m watching everything in a third person point of view. I can see myself answering their questions and laughing at their jokes but my feelings are completely unattached.
4. I feel the need to cry all the time – I’m not a cryer. I wish I was though cause the few times in my life that I did bawl my eyes out, it felt really good afterwards. Like a weight has been lifted off of my chest and I can breathe again. But I’m not a cryer and even if I want to cry, and try to force myself to cry, I can’t. So all this time, there’s a heavy feeling in my chest that won’t go away and it sucks because I don’t want it there and I feel like my chest is about to explode.
5. I find it harder to sleep – I’m already a borderline insomniac and find it hard to sleep. But when I’m heartbroken, its way harder. Remember the voice in my head I talked about who I have arguments with? Well, it’s not only a voice but a DVD player as well. Only it plays the kind of movies that replay past events of my life but revises it to make it what I wish had happened. In a way, that’s harder because I just try to accept the past and try not to dwell because I know this will only make me bitter. But I can’t stop the movie player in my head and it tortures me while I lie in the dark and it constantly reminds me of stupid decisions I made.
I have many more symptoms but these 5 are the most consistent ones. I’m pretty sure most of you have felt the same way at one point of your life or another. And yes I’m having all these symptoms now, so having said that, it’s safe to assume that I’m heartbroken now.
The thing is, I’m not. Heartbroken I mean. To be heartbroken, one has to be in love in the first place… something I’m not. So why am I feeling all this? Is it possible to be in love without realizing it and not be able to pinpoint the object of affection then become heartbroken by that unknown person without knowing why? Or am I secretly in love with someone so secret that even I don’t know who it is? Or am I so afraid of my feelings that I have subconsciously harbored love for a person and went through the process of falling in love and getting heartbroken subconsciously? It’s possible I guess because I can’t for the life of me explain why I’m feeling heartbreak without being able to identify the person who’s causing me heartbreak.
Whatever. I’m getting cheese fries.
nothing he’s not used to i’m sure.
(via theinturnetexplorer)
Not a poet. it just rhymed the first few times so I just continued the trend.
Today is not a good day.
There’s a certain kind of melancholic mood
Today is not a good day.
I can’t eat a single piece of food
Today is not a good day.
My head is full of morbid thoughts and fears
Today is not a good day
I’m always on the verge of tears
Today is not a good day.
There’s a heavy feeling in my chest
Today is not a good day.
My mind is at unrest
Today is not a good day.
My heart feels like lead
Today is not a good day.
I’m hanging by a thread
Today is not a good day.
I feel tired as if I’ve run a mile
Today is not a good day.
It’s difficult to smile
Today is not a good day.
I keep thinking about what could never be
Today is not a good day.
I keep thinking about how there is no you and me
[video]
Until when do I wait?
(Source: ilustro, via marvelousandteals)
crap. hahaha. hilarious GIF
(via iamwalp)
(Source: muckyknees, via citrusmalicious)
Remember that time Gandalf convinced the whole party to flee so that he could take out the Balrog and not have to share any of the XP? Shows up the next session with fancy new robes and everything. What a jerk.
(Source: camf825, via citrusmalicious)